Good night, sleep tight...

....Don't let the bed bugs bite! This little bug is a bed bug. It looks very similar to a tic. It can live in almost all temperatures and can survive for an entire year without having to suck blood from a host. Bed bugs suck for 5 minutes and then return to their hiding place. They are mostly nocturnal, but they do at times feast on a host during the day time. The bug has two feeding tubes and pierces the skin. One tube injects a numbing chemical and the other sicks the blood. My friends- I have been the HOST, as well as my roommates. We are not fans of this little bug. We all counted and have over 30 bites! The bed bugs in our room are well fed!!! Just think, if 5 girls have 30 bites, that means 150 little bed bugs are quite full.

The discovery of the bed bugs:

We were making our bed and found the shell of a bug (thinking at first it was a real bug) and decided to google it on Teresa's phone. It was at this time we started to connect the dots. We didn't have a mosquito problem (which didn't add up anyway because we never saw a mosquito in our room) we had BED BUGS! They shed their skin often and that's what we had found. The bites usually don't show until after a week of being bitten. It made complete sense. We had been in a temporary room for the first two weeks of project, and had recently moved into our new room with tile flooring! I was the first to start showing signs of bites, and then Teresa started showing bites a few days later. Eventually we ALL had bites after about 9 days of being in our new room. Those little bugs WON! We now have moved into a new room, again, and had to wash every article of clothing we own because they like to lay eggs in clothing. SICK. I'd like to give those bugs a piece of my mind! We are SO thankful to be in a new room now, bed bug free (we hope) :). God definitely is soveriegn even in the bed bug circumstances! We are the only room who had bed bugs- surely he's wanting to grow us in patience! The cool thing is the bed bugs really have made our room a lot closer. It was frustrating missing out on a few project activities to move and wash all of our clothes. But we were all going through it together. There was a guys room who served us in such a huge way- it was really humbling. They took away time from their d-group and excorted us to the laundry mat for a couple of hours. When we got back they asked us if they could help move us into our new room so we wouldn't have to do it the next day. I really think they were genuinely joyful helping us too! What awesome brothers in Christ God has blessed us with. I can learn a lot from them.

Mom and dad came to visit me parents weekend. It was a great time to catch up with them and just be loved by them. I really wish I could have had more time to spend with them, but it was just at the right time and God is such a provider in giving that sweet time with them. I am so blessed to have parents that walk with Him and can give me Godly encouragement and counsel. I take that for granted. We went to one of our favorite Florida restaurants- Carrabas! The waitress was so fun! Mom and dad wanted me to show them what I had been doing a lot here- contact evangelism. They wanted me to share with this girl. I asked them is they were Christians, they said yes. I told them it's their call as well to witness to her :) So in a group effort we loved on her and built a relationship with her. I have her number and we are meeting when she gets back into town to hang out and see a movie! I can't wait to spend time with her and see how God will use our friendship.

As far as my update with Michelle, we text often and she is doing well. We are hanging out this Monday, so please pray for our time together. I really want our friendship to grow! She is such a sweet girl!

God has really just been showing me His greatness and my need for the Gospel, and I am so thankful for that. I'm quick to forget my need for Him and start to look for sufficiency in myself. But He quickly show me truth! I think something that has recently just "wowed" me is the fact that there is no such thing as me drawing far from God in turns of distance, which is what I use to measure my relationship with Him a lot of times. In reality, He lives in me. Literally. I am finding that I don't want to leave my eyes off His throne. I constantly want to be at His feet, face down, in the light of His glory. I don't want to quench His Spirit within me. My quiet times shouldn't end with me walking away from His throne after spending it there, but remaining in Him.

"But you, O Lord, sit enthroned forever; your renown endures through all generations... But you remain the same, and your years will never end" (Ps. 102:12, 27)

That is who I want to know more- I just want more of Him.

God loves me so bad...it hurts!!!

Ah, it's finally Sunday! I LOVE Sundays! Sunday's in Orlando are the days we get to spend a Sabbath if we choose= alone time with God wherever and whenever we want. I feel like God is showing me so much about myself that I didn't even know about- not all good things, which means that He loves me and wants me to grow closer to Him by correcting me. I am missing my family terribly. Sundays are family days for us, and specifically this Sunday I should be spending with my daddy. But I know that I am exactly where God wants me (thanks for the reminder Kels) and today I can spend Father's day with my God.

I am going to be vulnerable here- Orlando Project is not glamorous. I am seeing a lot of sin in my heart. Funny thing is, I prayed that God would break my heart from what breaks His and once He does, I flip out thinking it's too much to handle. But the beautiful thing is that it's not in my hands "to handle"...that's what makes the cross so BIG to me- that Jesus already "handled" my sin for me, on my behalf. Can I get an Amen?! Before I was born He knew that I would rebel, fail, and reject Him but He still died for me. This is my motivation to spread the Good News my friends- Jesus was, is, and is to come. If anything is to be remembered from my life, I want it to be Him.

Day one on Project was already the beginning of God showing me my heart. I was SO wanting a room leader who was older, wiser, and full of knowledge to share. I get to Orlando and find that my room leader is younger and became a Christian a year ago. I was such a turd the first day- so bummed that I didn't get the room leader I wanted. How prideful for me to think that I couldn't learn from her! I was instantly convicted and after confessing it to God I knew that I needed to confess it to her. So I did- and it was then that God showed me why she is my room leader. She showed me so much love and grace and told me that she had been praying for our room- and that she really just wants to walk with Christ with me! Gosh, I have SO much to learn from her. It's funny that I was sure of howwanted to grow here, but God knows exactly what I need to grow in.

Day two on Project was the next day I saw more dirt in my heart. It's funny how God uses conversations with people to show the truth of our hearts. A girl had said something that she totally didn't know would crush me,but it did- and later I found out that she had mistaken, and it wasn't even true. But God used it to show me my reaction and how far my heart was from His approval of me. It showed me how much I want people to see growth in my life, how I make people my treasure. I realized that placing somu in people KILLS my intamacy with Jesus. I began to feel as if I have been walking for people and not walking with Christ.

Day three and four I realize the depth of my selfishness. Day five I realize how hard it is to love people that aren't like me. I praise God for showing me the truth of my heart! In Revelation 3:19 I read yesterday that those that God loves He rebukes and disciplines- so be earnest and repent. The beauty of it all is that I am seeing these things because God is showing them to me, because He wants intamacy with me! Not because He needs it, because He knows I do. I don't feel condemned- I am seeing how deep the Savior's love for me really is.

If there is one thing that I would want to grow in, it would be more intamacy with Jesus. More understanding of Him at the heart than in my head. My vision is that I would return home not emotionally motivated, but that God changed my heart here in such a radical way that there is no other way to live but for His glory- wherever He leads me I would follow. "What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish that I may gain Christ" (Phil. 3:8) That is my prayer!

I love and miss you all! Praying for you, that you may see the mercies and blessings of Christ that have been freely given to you.

Starbucks with Michelle

There is SO much going on here in Orlando- and in my heart. I wish I could share everything but unfortunately I never have much time, and access to to the internet is down the rode at another hotel. BUT I do want to let you know that the sweet messages and encouragement I have been getting makes me feel SO loved- Thank you thank you!

I met with Michelle on Monday- and it was an emotional rollercoaster the three hours we met. I got to Starbucks a few minutes late, and noticed she wasn't there- so I called her. She told me her boyfriend had taken her car so she was walking there and would be there in 5 minutes. WOW- she didn't cancel on me? Five minutes later I get a call and she said that she is at Starbucks and doesn't see me. We realized we both were at different Starbucks. She was 10 minutes down the highway at a different one- crazy news is that my friend happened to be at Wal-Mart right by her. So Michelle said she wouldn't mind driving with my friend Chelsea to the Starbucks I was at. Yes, she drove with a complete stranger to see me! I knew God wanted me to meet with her.

When she arrived we hugged real big and started chatting! I asked her to tell me everything she knows about herself :) We began with her being from Haiti, and she told me she never wants to go back again- and I found out it was because of "her people"- she believes they are all evil. She told me that I wouldn't want to know the whole story- and of course I DID, so I begge her to share...

Michelle's father was a "pimp" in Haiti- meaning he slept around with many women. The first woman he got pregnant was Michelle's older sister's mom. Michelle to this day has never met her sister. He wanted nothing to do with this woman and a year later met Michelle's mom. They fell in love and Michelle's mom got pregnant. In Haiti when a woman gets pregnant she must marry before she begins to show. The other woman did not want them married. So, she wanted to place a curse on Michelle through Voodoo to have her killed. To curse someone you must hvae a personal belonging of theirs such as hair, shirt, shoes, etc. Michelle was safe in her mother's womb, so there would be no way to curse her. So instead the woman cursed her father. He was very ill and close to death, and then Michelle was born. He held her for the first time when she was 2 months old, and through that the curse was passed tothe baby. Michelle said her skin began to peel from her body, and mother and grandfather said she almost died. They took her to a Voodoo priest, and he told them it would cost them $10,000 for her to be healed. Michelle's family didn't have the money so they sold everything they owned- cattle, home, furniture, close...everything. The Voodoo priest was evil- and instead of vanishing the curse he reversed it back to her father. Michelle's dad died when she was 3 because of Voodoo and the people of Haiti- this is what she believes. When she was 6 her mom began traveling all over to buy merchandise to resale so that they could have money. Michelle stopped eating because she was so depressed and remembered how much she missed her mother. Her mom would come home for a day rarely and would be gone again. Eventually she realized she had to stop because of how sick her daughter was becoming. She said she would rather be poor than watch Michelle die. While she had been traveling for those couple of years she had met an American man. He wanted to marry her and adopt Michelle. He came to Haiti and brought them back to the United States, Orlando FL when she was 11. Michelle's mom had two children with him- and after the second child's birth when Michelle was in high school he left them. Michelle is still affected by Voodoo in Orlando. Her friend was killed by her boyfriend- and her friend's family set demons on him and he died. His family went to a Voodoo priest in Orlando to see if they could being him back to life.

This is Michelle's life. A girl that seemed to be just another ordinary person shopping at Wal-Mart. Orlando- the city of American ideals- children's fantasies- and wishing upon stars, and spiritual warfare many no nothing about. Michelle had told me at the beginning that she was a Christian. And later through talking with her longer, she admitted she wasn't. She is warped by a dark lie of Voodooism. I was able to share with her the truth's of the Bible, the power of God, and the hope of salvation through Jesus Christ. I shared with her verses, and the heart change that happens when you receive Jesus as Savior and Lord. I shared with her the truth of our eternity apart from Christ. Michelle said her heart is not ready to give her life in surrender to God. She said that she's waiting for God to "kick her" but it just isn't happening. I know that she truly isn't understanding the Gospel. She doesn't have "eyes to see and ears to hear". PLEASE pray for her, that God would work in her heart- that the evil around her flee- that she would continue to seek for what is missing in her heart.

I praise God for that hard conversation. That morning I had got in the Word and studied the verse about Jesus being my good shepard. I read that NO ONE is able to snatch me from the hand's of God. That's all that I could think about when I met with her. There was nothing I could fear being in the hand's of Christ as a believer, and I wanted her to have the security I do. That she doesn't have to live in fear. That she doesn't have to live around evil. That SOMEONE can SAVE her from that life. She told me that she wants to meet again. My constant prayer is the same the Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians 2. That the words that flow from my heart wouldn't be persuasive or words of men's wisdom, but that they would be words from the Spirit of God. I just want to know Jesus more. That's all.

Orlando Project has just begun!

(I typed this post Sunday night- so it's expired! :)
So sorry for taking a whole week to finally blog of my arrival to ORLANDO FLORIDA J I am in fact alive, and doing far better than I deserve. I want to thank you so much for supporting me to be a part of this project and allowing me to be taught here and really just feeling the closeness of God in this place. I am currently sitting in my room with my four roommates while they’re dancing to Beyonce: Lacree, Staci, Teresa, and my room leader Alicia. We just got done cleaning our room for room clean check tomorrow morning- it was MUCH needed. We found all kinds of uninvited creatures, one being a SPIDER on my PILLOW. SICK. But, good news is…they’ve been taking care of the mosquito problem we have. We have a whole food chain going on in this room- my blood being a part of it! I love the girls in my room. They really are going to be best friends of mine, I know it. Lacree reminds me so much of Erica. She has a real quiet spirit and gentle heart, and is always so encouraging for me to talk to. We were immediately friends when I got here. And Staci reminds me so much of Kelsey. She is CRAZY funny! She says things that you shouldn’t say, but because it’s Staci, it’s okay! She’s really spunky, sassy, and has 3 mosquito bites on her face right now covered with toothpaste convinced they will go away! HA! HILARIOUS. Today we showed up to a meeting we didn’t have to go to, and instead of just sitting through it, Staci got up and said “I’m not sitting through this silliness, I’ve got some fellowshipping to do with those boys”. She’s a diva. The girls in my room are soul sisters…they’re teaching me how to rap, sing Gospel music, and walk with SWAG. I love it!!

As far as my job goes, I will be working at Islands of Adventures in Jurassic Park at a restaurant called “Thunder Falls”. I will be a cook in the kitchen! My wardrobe consists of checkered pants, steel-toed shoes (that weigh 30lbs.), long sleeved white chef coat, an apron, a white scarf, and a chef hat. I am so excited to meet my co-workers tomorrow for my first day of work at 10:00. My manager’s name is Winfill. I get to work with Alicia and Staci, we were SO grateful for that.

Every Thursday night we have what is called Evangelism training. This is where we here a message from one of the staff about world wide missions and then are sent out to either City Walk, Disney World, Sea World, or Wal-Mart in hopes to have an opportunity to share Jesus with someone. Last week my team was assigned to go to Wal-Mart… which honestly was the last place I wanted to go. It’s just not in my opinion a key place to find someone to have a deep spiritual conversation with, ya know? But, God had bigger plans and humbled me through what had happened that night. I had gotten to talk to two sisters that were in high school, a newly pregnant mother, and another girl pregnant for the second time- all of which were AWESOME conversations and surprisingly not awkward at all!

As I was leaving Wal-Mart I decided to grab some grapes, so I went to the check out line. I was just thinking through the conversations I had earlier, and just thanking God that although there wasn’t a huge heart change in the conversations I had, I still learned so much about Jesus by just loving people- I thought the night of evangelism was over. The girl in front of me left her cart to go get something from the produce aisle, and I began to have this feeling inside that I needed to pray for her. So, as she was gone I prayed and also pushed her cart along for her because the line was moving forward. As she came back, she thanked me- and so I asked her what her name was. She told me that her name is Michelle, and I introduced myself to her. I asked her if she was from Orlando, and she told me that she was not, she was from Haiti. I told her that my cousin married a man from Haiti a couple of years ago, and she said “Men from Haiti are no good”. I told her that Pierre is a Christian man, and so he really is a great guy- she told me that those are rare. She then asked me if I was a Christian and I told her that I was, and that I’m actually here in Orlando to grow in my faith and just learn what it is to walk with Jesus. She told me that she is a Christian but hadn’t been to church in years and wished that she would again. It was my turn to check out and I asked her to wait for me. As I walked her way she flipped out her phone and asked me for my number. I gave it to her and she said that she’d love to come to church with me if I didn’t mind. I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT. This girl knows nothing about me, only talked to me for maybe 3 minutes, and wanted to join me to church? It was clear to me that she saw something more than me- my hope was that she was seeking for the one who defines me- my Savior. As I was driving back to the hotel, I already got a call from her, she wanted to talk more! Michelle ended up not making it to church with me on Sunday because of work conflicts- but set a date to meet me Monday at Starbucks at 2. Please pray for me and Michelle- I think she is seeking to find something more to life that I may be able to offer her through what I know to be true- that Christ is the only to satisfy these souls.

Amazing grace

 I can't begin writing without saying first that I STRUGGLE.  Why in the world would I need a Savior if I didn't.

 After living a life in rebellion to God, and seeing the depth of my sin, and choosing to make Him Savior and Lord of my life- a supernatural transformation took place in this heart of mine.  This transformation isn't something that man can conjure up or develop in his own strength. It only comes by the crying out to God- claiming His Son as one to believe and follow. Are there immediate changes? no. It takes time...but as we grow closer to Him until the day we die- that relationship grows more and more intimate- and when united with Him in Heaven- His glory will be complete. If surrendering your life to God hasn't been a choice you've made- I pray you seek Him.

As followers, we know that although our focus has changed and we have a new heart- there is still sin, and our motives will never be perfectly pure.

 "All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away."-Isaiah 64:6 

This is me. All my acts that are "good"- are not so great after all. My flesh is unclean- and as long as I'm living in this body, nothing is going to change. But if that's where we stop, and become swamped in self-pity for our yuckiness then we are missing a VERY important part- the most important part- grace.

This past week has been SO HARD in SO MANY ways. I have been loaded with midterms, presentations, papers, and readings for school and have had to take time to do these things instead other things that I love! I try to make a point to spend time with God everyday in His Word so that I am fed, and ready for the day.  After spending hours and hours for school- my quiet time has taken the back burner. So what do I do? I become absorbed in self-pity. 

"Why God am I in school? Why does this have to be so hard? Why do I STILL struggle with things I've confessed to You over and over again.  Why can't I commit more time to You? Why did I just spend 2 hours on Facebook? I am a failure. I can't do anything right-I stink at giving You control. I totally was so focused on school I didn't even think about You today- why in the world do You want me? Blah blah blah..."

Do these thoughts sound familiar? 

Let me just tell you... these thoughts, for me, never last long anymore because I am QUICKLY reminded that I am no longer bound to a life that has a false belief that I have to work for God's love for me. I learned something SO SWEET recently that I have got to share. I know this post is getting long- but I gotta. Here it goes. Are you ready? Ok.

We (as in people in the past) were once bound to the Old Covenant. This was a promise, known as the law, that God made with His people- the Ten Commandments.  The people were constantly making sacrifices to God in order to be obedient to Him and to please Him.  But they could never uphold the law! No matter how hard they tried- they failed! In Jeremiah 31 God says that His people "broke His covenant though He was a husband to them". BUT there is GOOD NEWS. God's law was not abolished- but fulfilled. He didn't mess up with the Old Law, His people couldn't keep it, so... there was a NEW COVENANT! This covenant He spoke about in the Old Testament.."This covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time, declares the Lord, I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts. I will be their God and they will be my people...For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more". Holy stinkin' cow. No longer was the job in our hands- it was no longer "you shall do this, and you shall not do that"..but it was "I will give you a new heart, I will send my Holy Spirit to live in you".  That is why the New Covenant through the blood of Jesus Christ works, and is sufficient!!!!

SO- what does this have anything to do with the way my week has gone? I keep having the Old Testament mind that I must work for righteousness, when in reality- me believing I can work for it is "filthy rags". 

What do you think God's facial expression is when He thinks of you?

My sweet friends (if you are in Christ)- God sees you the same today, as He does tomorrow because He sees His perfect Son.  This is the free gift we surely don't deserve- but have been given. Rest in that.

Love Love Love

In light of this weekend, and the quickly approaching holiday of Love, I think it's fitting for me to share what I just learned of how Valentines Day came about. I'm not a huge fan of this holiday- for one, it is not fun for singles, and secondly, I have seemed to be single EVERY Valentine's Day of my life.  Just to throw this out there..I was expecting to research this and be bored out of my mind..BUT there turned to be a great lesson for me :)

Valentines Day was originally a day to honor several men named "Valentine" who were martyred for their faith in Jesus Christ.  Here is the story of one man named Valentine:

St Valentine was persecuted as a Christian and interrogated by Roman Emperor Claudius II in person. Claudius was impressed by Valentine and had a discussion with him, attempting to get him to convert to Roman paganism in order to save his life. Valentine refused and tried to convert Claudius to Christianity instead. Because of this, he was executed. Before his execution, he is reported to have performed a miracle by healing the blind daughter of his jailer.

WOW. Now THAT'S an expression of love! When I first read that I was stunned. How easy it is for us to turn anything that gives glory to God into something that gives glory to ourselves. Among the Valentines Day celebrations of passing love letters, sweet chocolates, and xoxo's I seemed to have totally missed this story. Oh, but there is an even greater story...which moved these men to give of their lives to a greater picture- THE greater story. The one I heard as a little girl that as saved this wretched heart of mine and made me new- the only story that has the power to do- is of my Savior.  "You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." -Romans 5:7-8  Christ didn't die for good people. Christ died for sinners- ones He knew would reject Him. Christ died to ultimately bring glory to His Father, in which ugly hearts would be able to cry out and surrender to the One who can cover them and make them holy.  Man...why do I search for love elsewhere? How can I gloom on Valentine's Day because I don't have a guy to share it with? Because I do, and He is the ultimate expression of love, and the only One who can satisfy this heart. 

Guys and girls- single and in a relationship: There is NO OTHER who can fill our needs as people other than the Creator who made us to praise Him.  If something isn't doing what it's created for- it will not find peace. May the sacrifice made LONG AGO move you to love Jesus.

I sometimes am afraid of what my future holds. Relationships were once something I idolized, because the thought of being single forever terrified me. Although I still desire to be in a marriage someday, I understand and can accept that if it takes a whole life of being single to cling to Christ and grow in love for Him, than it's worth it to me. That love is my ultimate purpose. So on this day of 'Love' enjoy time with your special someone- but my prayer for you is that you question where that desire of love comes from- perhaps from the one who IS love.

God bless, love always in Christ!

Jor

Sometimes zip za mouth!

Hello blog world. I have recently been thinking a lot about blogging...mainly because I am crazy busy and have a hard time staying in touch with friends (who in turn think something awful has happened to me when in reality I'm just a poor communicator :0), I have so much I'm learning, and there's so much God is revealing to me that I just want SPILL out and share..and a simple Facebook status is not enough room! I'm really hoping that I can stick to it this time, I know that's probably a common line heard from uncommitted bloggers :)

I've been praying a lot about this summer, and really seeking God in my decision. As I wrestle with what to do, where to go, and what organization to go with my sin of not having faith God will provide answers in His time smacks me upside the face.  I've found that I have a bad habit of trying to "work" for everything, instead of just resting in Him.  I know I've talked to a lot of people for advice and counsel...and I am SO grateful for Christian friends who are constantly praying for me.  I really feel like God has placed on my heart a certain specific desire in my heart.  I thought it was for this summer...but, now I'm beginning to believe it's a desire for the future- in His perfect timing. 

My situation reminds me of Joseph. God had given Joseph a vision- to be a great ruler. But what does Joseph do? He blabs and tells his brothers and father! He's then sold to slavery out of his brothers jealousy of this vision. Because of his boasting to these people instead of lifting his heart to God and waiting patiently, he allowed Satan to change the plans. 

What this means for me...I blab too much, which may explain why my plans are constantly changing. But it also shows me that although the ideas I had believed God was wanting for my summer have changed, this doesn't mean it wont ever happen. Is this making sense?

The beauty of the story isn't Joseph- it's God's faithfulness, and that is what I want to cling to. No matter what the circumstances in our life come to in the end- may His name be lifted high! And it will.

Have a blessed Superbowl Sunday. (I'm pretty positive God's will is for the Colts to win)  :) Kidding of course!