God loves me so bad...it hurts!!!

Ah, it's finally Sunday! I LOVE Sundays! Sunday's in Orlando are the days we get to spend a Sabbath if we choose= alone time with God wherever and whenever we want. I feel like God is showing me so much about myself that I didn't even know about- not all good things, which means that He loves me and wants me to grow closer to Him by correcting me. I am missing my family terribly. Sundays are family days for us, and specifically this Sunday I should be spending with my daddy. But I know that I am exactly where God wants me (thanks for the reminder Kels) and today I can spend Father's day with my God.

I am going to be vulnerable here- Orlando Project is not glamorous. I am seeing a lot of sin in my heart. Funny thing is, I prayed that God would break my heart from what breaks His and once He does, I flip out thinking it's too much to handle. But the beautiful thing is that it's not in my hands "to handle"...that's what makes the cross so BIG to me- that Jesus already "handled" my sin for me, on my behalf. Can I get an Amen?! Before I was born He knew that I would rebel, fail, and reject Him but He still died for me. This is my motivation to spread the Good News my friends- Jesus was, is, and is to come. If anything is to be remembered from my life, I want it to be Him.

Day one on Project was already the beginning of God showing me my heart. I was SO wanting a room leader who was older, wiser, and full of knowledge to share. I get to Orlando and find that my room leader is younger and became a Christian a year ago. I was such a turd the first day- so bummed that I didn't get the room leader I wanted. How prideful for me to think that I couldn't learn from her! I was instantly convicted and after confessing it to God I knew that I needed to confess it to her. So I did- and it was then that God showed me why she is my room leader. She showed me so much love and grace and told me that she had been praying for our room- and that she really just wants to walk with Christ with me! Gosh, I have SO much to learn from her. It's funny that I was sure of howwanted to grow here, but God knows exactly what I need to grow in.

Day two on Project was the next day I saw more dirt in my heart. It's funny how God uses conversations with people to show the truth of our hearts. A girl had said something that she totally didn't know would crush me,but it did- and later I found out that she had mistaken, and it wasn't even true. But God used it to show me my reaction and how far my heart was from His approval of me. It showed me how much I want people to see growth in my life, how I make people my treasure. I realized that placing somu in people KILLS my intamacy with Jesus. I began to feel as if I have been walking for people and not walking with Christ.

Day three and four I realize the depth of my selfishness. Day five I realize how hard it is to love people that aren't like me. I praise God for showing me the truth of my heart! In Revelation 3:19 I read yesterday that those that God loves He rebukes and disciplines- so be earnest and repent. The beauty of it all is that I am seeing these things because God is showing them to me, because He wants intamacy with me! Not because He needs it, because He knows I do. I don't feel condemned- I am seeing how deep the Savior's love for me really is.

If there is one thing that I would want to grow in, it would be more intamacy with Jesus. More understanding of Him at the heart than in my head. My vision is that I would return home not emotionally motivated, but that God changed my heart here in such a radical way that there is no other way to live but for His glory- wherever He leads me I would follow. "What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish that I may gain Christ" (Phil. 3:8) That is my prayer!

I love and miss you all! Praying for you, that you may see the mercies and blessings of Christ that have been freely given to you.

Starbucks with Michelle

There is SO much going on here in Orlando- and in my heart. I wish I could share everything but unfortunately I never have much time, and access to to the internet is down the rode at another hotel. BUT I do want to let you know that the sweet messages and encouragement I have been getting makes me feel SO loved- Thank you thank you!

I met with Michelle on Monday- and it was an emotional rollercoaster the three hours we met. I got to Starbucks a few minutes late, and noticed she wasn't there- so I called her. She told me her boyfriend had taken her car so she was walking there and would be there in 5 minutes. WOW- she didn't cancel on me? Five minutes later I get a call and she said that she is at Starbucks and doesn't see me. We realized we both were at different Starbucks. She was 10 minutes down the highway at a different one- crazy news is that my friend happened to be at Wal-Mart right by her. So Michelle said she wouldn't mind driving with my friend Chelsea to the Starbucks I was at. Yes, she drove with a complete stranger to see me! I knew God wanted me to meet with her.

When she arrived we hugged real big and started chatting! I asked her to tell me everything she knows about herself :) We began with her being from Haiti, and she told me she never wants to go back again- and I found out it was because of "her people"- she believes they are all evil. She told me that I wouldn't want to know the whole story- and of course I DID, so I begge her to share...

Michelle's father was a "pimp" in Haiti- meaning he slept around with many women. The first woman he got pregnant was Michelle's older sister's mom. Michelle to this day has never met her sister. He wanted nothing to do with this woman and a year later met Michelle's mom. They fell in love and Michelle's mom got pregnant. In Haiti when a woman gets pregnant she must marry before she begins to show. The other woman did not want them married. So, she wanted to place a curse on Michelle through Voodoo to have her killed. To curse someone you must hvae a personal belonging of theirs such as hair, shirt, shoes, etc. Michelle was safe in her mother's womb, so there would be no way to curse her. So instead the woman cursed her father. He was very ill and close to death, and then Michelle was born. He held her for the first time when she was 2 months old, and through that the curse was passed tothe baby. Michelle said her skin began to peel from her body, and mother and grandfather said she almost died. They took her to a Voodoo priest, and he told them it would cost them $10,000 for her to be healed. Michelle's family didn't have the money so they sold everything they owned- cattle, home, furniture, close...everything. The Voodoo priest was evil- and instead of vanishing the curse he reversed it back to her father. Michelle's dad died when she was 3 because of Voodoo and the people of Haiti- this is what she believes. When she was 6 her mom began traveling all over to buy merchandise to resale so that they could have money. Michelle stopped eating because she was so depressed and remembered how much she missed her mother. Her mom would come home for a day rarely and would be gone again. Eventually she realized she had to stop because of how sick her daughter was becoming. She said she would rather be poor than watch Michelle die. While she had been traveling for those couple of years she had met an American man. He wanted to marry her and adopt Michelle. He came to Haiti and brought them back to the United States, Orlando FL when she was 11. Michelle's mom had two children with him- and after the second child's birth when Michelle was in high school he left them. Michelle is still affected by Voodoo in Orlando. Her friend was killed by her boyfriend- and her friend's family set demons on him and he died. His family went to a Voodoo priest in Orlando to see if they could being him back to life.

This is Michelle's life. A girl that seemed to be just another ordinary person shopping at Wal-Mart. Orlando- the city of American ideals- children's fantasies- and wishing upon stars, and spiritual warfare many no nothing about. Michelle had told me at the beginning that she was a Christian. And later through talking with her longer, she admitted she wasn't. She is warped by a dark lie of Voodooism. I was able to share with her the truth's of the Bible, the power of God, and the hope of salvation through Jesus Christ. I shared with her verses, and the heart change that happens when you receive Jesus as Savior and Lord. I shared with her the truth of our eternity apart from Christ. Michelle said her heart is not ready to give her life in surrender to God. She said that she's waiting for God to "kick her" but it just isn't happening. I know that she truly isn't understanding the Gospel. She doesn't have "eyes to see and ears to hear". PLEASE pray for her, that God would work in her heart- that the evil around her flee- that she would continue to seek for what is missing in her heart.

I praise God for that hard conversation. That morning I had got in the Word and studied the verse about Jesus being my good shepard. I read that NO ONE is able to snatch me from the hand's of God. That's all that I could think about when I met with her. There was nothing I could fear being in the hand's of Christ as a believer, and I wanted her to have the security I do. That she doesn't have to live in fear. That she doesn't have to live around evil. That SOMEONE can SAVE her from that life. She told me that she wants to meet again. My constant prayer is the same the Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians 2. That the words that flow from my heart wouldn't be persuasive or words of men's wisdom, but that they would be words from the Spirit of God. I just want to know Jesus more. That's all.

Orlando Project has just begun!

(I typed this post Sunday night- so it's expired! :)
So sorry for taking a whole week to finally blog of my arrival to ORLANDO FLORIDA J I am in fact alive, and doing far better than I deserve. I want to thank you so much for supporting me to be a part of this project and allowing me to be taught here and really just feeling the closeness of God in this place. I am currently sitting in my room with my four roommates while they’re dancing to Beyonce: Lacree, Staci, Teresa, and my room leader Alicia. We just got done cleaning our room for room clean check tomorrow morning- it was MUCH needed. We found all kinds of uninvited creatures, one being a SPIDER on my PILLOW. SICK. But, good news is…they’ve been taking care of the mosquito problem we have. We have a whole food chain going on in this room- my blood being a part of it! I love the girls in my room. They really are going to be best friends of mine, I know it. Lacree reminds me so much of Erica. She has a real quiet spirit and gentle heart, and is always so encouraging for me to talk to. We were immediately friends when I got here. And Staci reminds me so much of Kelsey. She is CRAZY funny! She says things that you shouldn’t say, but because it’s Staci, it’s okay! She’s really spunky, sassy, and has 3 mosquito bites on her face right now covered with toothpaste convinced they will go away! HA! HILARIOUS. Today we showed up to a meeting we didn’t have to go to, and instead of just sitting through it, Staci got up and said “I’m not sitting through this silliness, I’ve got some fellowshipping to do with those boys”. She’s a diva. The girls in my room are soul sisters…they’re teaching me how to rap, sing Gospel music, and walk with SWAG. I love it!!

As far as my job goes, I will be working at Islands of Adventures in Jurassic Park at a restaurant called “Thunder Falls”. I will be a cook in the kitchen! My wardrobe consists of checkered pants, steel-toed shoes (that weigh 30lbs.), long sleeved white chef coat, an apron, a white scarf, and a chef hat. I am so excited to meet my co-workers tomorrow for my first day of work at 10:00. My manager’s name is Winfill. I get to work with Alicia and Staci, we were SO grateful for that.

Every Thursday night we have what is called Evangelism training. This is where we here a message from one of the staff about world wide missions and then are sent out to either City Walk, Disney World, Sea World, or Wal-Mart in hopes to have an opportunity to share Jesus with someone. Last week my team was assigned to go to Wal-Mart… which honestly was the last place I wanted to go. It’s just not in my opinion a key place to find someone to have a deep spiritual conversation with, ya know? But, God had bigger plans and humbled me through what had happened that night. I had gotten to talk to two sisters that were in high school, a newly pregnant mother, and another girl pregnant for the second time- all of which were AWESOME conversations and surprisingly not awkward at all!

As I was leaving Wal-Mart I decided to grab some grapes, so I went to the check out line. I was just thinking through the conversations I had earlier, and just thanking God that although there wasn’t a huge heart change in the conversations I had, I still learned so much about Jesus by just loving people- I thought the night of evangelism was over. The girl in front of me left her cart to go get something from the produce aisle, and I began to have this feeling inside that I needed to pray for her. So, as she was gone I prayed and also pushed her cart along for her because the line was moving forward. As she came back, she thanked me- and so I asked her what her name was. She told me that her name is Michelle, and I introduced myself to her. I asked her if she was from Orlando, and she told me that she was not, she was from Haiti. I told her that my cousin married a man from Haiti a couple of years ago, and she said “Men from Haiti are no good”. I told her that Pierre is a Christian man, and so he really is a great guy- she told me that those are rare. She then asked me if I was a Christian and I told her that I was, and that I’m actually here in Orlando to grow in my faith and just learn what it is to walk with Jesus. She told me that she is a Christian but hadn’t been to church in years and wished that she would again. It was my turn to check out and I asked her to wait for me. As I walked her way she flipped out her phone and asked me for my number. I gave it to her and she said that she’d love to come to church with me if I didn’t mind. I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT. This girl knows nothing about me, only talked to me for maybe 3 minutes, and wanted to join me to church? It was clear to me that she saw something more than me- my hope was that she was seeking for the one who defines me- my Savior. As I was driving back to the hotel, I already got a call from her, she wanted to talk more! Michelle ended up not making it to church with me on Sunday because of work conflicts- but set a date to meet me Monday at Starbucks at 2. Please pray for me and Michelle- I think she is seeking to find something more to life that I may be able to offer her through what I know to be true- that Christ is the only to satisfy these souls.